The Ten (Office) Commandments

I. Thou shalt not monopolize the copy machine.

II. Thou shalt not listen to political radio without headphones unless thou dost know that thy coworkers share thine own opinions.

III. Thou shalt remember Friday afternoon and keep it Holy.

IV. Thou shalt not leer behind thine own coworkers’ backs to behold their computer monitors unless thou dost wish to be stabbed in thine own eyeball with yon mechanical pencil.

V. Thou shalt refrain from conducting business with thine own coworkers until coffee has been brewed, even if thou dost personally shun the beverage.

VI. Thou shalt respect the boundaries of the cubicle and the occupant(s) therein.

VII. Thou shalt not yoink office supplies from thy coworkers.

VIII. Thou shalt not leave food in the break room refrigerator for six months unless thou dost wish to find it stuffed into thine own filing cabinet.

IX. Thou shalt not bathe in perfume or cologne.

X. Though shalt not partake of office gossip unless it is about someone thou dost detest with the fire of a thousand suns. If thou dost choose to partake of office gossip, thou must learn how to lie thine own head off if brought before thine own boss and reprimanded.

Disputandi pruritus ecclesiarum scabies.

Amen.