Like, Whoa.

I recently posted this entry and got the following comment:

Starman | July 28, 2008 at 1:46 pm
You ARE overreacting. Way. Reeves has made 50 films to date; you’ve seen at the most 5 and worse, have paid no attention either to the man or his acting. At Comic-Con this past weekend he headed the first panel to tout his interest in the role of Klaatu. He and the director and producer assured everyone that they were more than serious about remaking this film. They gave good reasons for taking on this daunting task with great respect and love for the original. I will ignore your derision towards Reeves because it’s nothing original or even true. But the world could use an updated version of The Day The Earth Stood Still. It has been handled with guts and skill, and by every account of the presentation, including a longer version of the lie-detector scene, Klaatu/Reeves is most excellent and scary. His intention with the Role of Klaatu was to show a more true alien being – one that is bent on delivering a message to earth without any compassion for its people – than Rennie’s “more human than humans” approach, and this is simply an update for a more sophisticated audience. When you think about it, most people alive today have not even seen the original film. I hope you back down from the hysteria enough to give credit where credit is due. Reeves is one of the most diverse and interesting actors to ever grace Hollywood imho. It’s just a matter of opinion.

Well thanks for assuring me that it’s “just a matter of opinion” after telling me that you will “ignore my derision” and accusing me of bashing Keanu Reeves’ obviously subtle acting ability after having seen “at the most 5 movies” and “worse,” of having “paid no attention either to the man or his acting.” Nice to know you’re able to recognize my opinions as being just that after having assured me in no uncertain terms that whether I mean what I say as an opinion or a fact, I am wrong.

It is a matter of opinion whether or not you think Keanu Reeves is a good actor, but allow me to flash some of my credentials here in an attempt to justify why I feel the way I do.

I’m a B-movie slut, which means that I have watched a lot of bad movies with a lot of bad actors. I’ve seen so many hams strut across the screen that I’ve wondered about all those jokes about Hollywood being run by Jews, as, surely, these films ain’t kosher.

And still, having spent the better part of a decade seeking out some of the worst films in the history of cinema (as well as some of the best), I cannot stand Keanu Reeves. Whether or not he’s an intelligent man in real life, his acting exudes stoopid. Every scene he played in Kenneth Brannagh’s otherwise fantastic Much Ado About Nothing had me doubled over in pain. Every scene in The Matrix made me laugh until I cried. And don’t even get me started on the fact that he played a doctor in Something’s Gotta Give. A DOCTOR?! That’s like casting Tara Reid as a scientist! That’s like casting Robert Englund as Santa Claus, for crissakes! (Note to self…)

Many of his dramatic performances have been blights on otherwise good films, and keep in mind that I gave not one, not two, but three passes to Natalie Portman’s melamine performances in the Star Wars prequels. I’m willing to forgive a few less-than-stellar performances and chalk it up to bad direction (*cough*GeorgeLucas*cough*), bad editing or bad casting. But Keanu’s good performances are grossly outnumbered by his bad ones. I can’t fight the feeling that all of his roles have been poorly cast.

I will give a pass to Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure–in which playing that version of himself he plays in every movie actually worked in his favor–and Constantine, which I actually liked. And though that could be credited to the performances of Tilda Swinton and Shia LaBeouf, I will admit that Keanu didn’t bug me nearly as much as he has in the past. You might even say I actually enjoyed his performance. But I’ve “paid no attention either to the man or his acting,” so what the hell do I know?! He blew dogs for quarters in Constantine!

I didn’t like The Matrix, and I know I’m in the minority on that one, especially when you consider that I’m a big ol’ nerdy nerd who “should” have liked The Matrix. But I didn’t. I thought it was boring, the soundtrack was annoying, and Keanu Reeves only looked good because everyone else (with the exception of Joey Pants) was acting more wooden than he was. Even friends of mine who think The Matrix “kicks ass!” are pretty quick to admit that the special effects “kick ass!” and the clothing “kicks ass!” and the soundtrack “kicks ass!” and the fight scenes “kick ass!” but the acting, and I quote, “pretty much sucks.” The only actors who should have behaved like robots were the Agents, but even Hugo Weaving out-acted Keanu in most of the scenes they shared.

As for your comments about Keanu’s total interest in playing Klaatu and remaking The Day the Earth Stood Still: Uh… Duh. You think any actor or director or production company is going to come right out and say, “We’re pretty much going to butcher this. We just want to make money, and we’ve run out of original ideas, so we’re just going to rip off what someone else has already thought of and cast anyone who’s ever starred in a popular film and hope we can make magic happen all over again”? Of course they’re going to talk about preserving the integrity of the original, of re-imagining the old ideas with the greatest amount of respect and what have you.

Remember Catwoman?

Remember The Avengers?

Remember Battlefield Earth?

Remember King Arthur?

Remember The 13th Warrior and Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein?

Remember The Wicker Man?

Need I go on?

All of the above films were promoted in all seriousness. The actors got behind them, the directors got behind them, the studios got behind them. You won’t find Alan Smithee’s name on any one of them, because the people involved in them didn’t think they had anything to be ashamed of, though the public would beg (plead) to differ.

Most bad movies aren’t remade for a reason, and good movies don’t need to be updated or remade. If they did, they wouldn’t still be good movies. The Day the Earth Stood Still is a good movie. It’s a great movie. There is no reason to “update” it, no reason to include a “longer interrogation scene,” no reason to suddenly make Klaatu “scary.” The fact that he was an alien was scary enough to most people. We don’t need him to brood in a white interrogation room for twenty minutes to get that he’s not of this earth. Michael Rennie’s portrayal of Klaatu as being “more human than human” was done for a reason. If it takes an alien to bring humanity back to humans, what does that say about us? And if an actor needs to rely on soundtrack and atmosphere and explosions and other huge, LOOK-AT-ME visual cues to convey something to an audience (or, rather, beat them over the head with it), he’s not a very good actor.

Keanu Reeves is not a very good actor, and The Day the Earth Stood Still didn’t need to be remade.

The end.