Lightning Took Your Job

Glenn and I are participating in a Saturday night ritual we haven’t been able to share in many, many months: SyFy (formerly SciFi) Channel movie marathons.

We watched Thor: Hammer of the Gods with Zachary Ty Bryan (I know! I didn’t think he was still acting either!), which was just stupid, and now we’re watching Lightning Strikes with Kevin Sorbo. This movie is something else entirely. It features lightning that hunts down and kills people (*pause* *blink* *blink* *blink* *pause* *resume*) and a bunch of unnamed major characters who just go by “Sherrif” or “Mayor” or “Doc” or “Token Black Guy,” and a lot of random bullshit that keeps making us scream at the TV. For example, did you know that mythology + science = valid area of research? And that pumpkins and lightning have a centuries-old rivalry?

Yeah, this movie is so bad. It’s pretty bad when the most likable character in any film is a weather phenomenon. (See: Twister)

But seriously, this movie is terrible. Its only saving grace is that one of the characters looks a lot like a mutual, British acquaintance named Emmy Lou, so Glenn and I keep joking about leaving her notes that say things like, “WHY DO YOU HATE US?! YOUR MOVIE SUCKS! WHEN DID YOU BECOME AN AMERICAN?!” She would have no idea what we were talking about. At least we’d think it was funny.

I’m happy (?) to say that this is not the worst movie I’ve seen this year. That would be Terror at Blood Fart Lake. No, I did not make that up, even though I kind of wish I had.

Oh, hey, lightning also steals children. Bet you didn’t know that, either. Lightning sucks.