Shoganai

As I get older, I’ve gotten more comfortable with paying for experiences rather than things. That’s why I’ll pay to go to the beach with my mom (OMG, less than a month!) or go out to a fantastic restaurant and then hem and haw over paying $10.00 for a shirt. My whole family seems to have come around to this way of thinking. My brother hikes and climbs mountains. My parents went to London in July. And for Christmas, we’re skipping presents under the tree and going to a day spa.

So when RiffTrax Live came around again this month and I found out they were doing that crazy 1930s propaganda film Reefer Madness, I was determined to go, no matter what. No theaters near me were hosting it, but I found a theater in Concord, North Carolina, about an hour south of the Piedmont, so I made plans to go. I have been a fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000 since I was in high school, and since RiffTrax launched, I have practically been an evangelist. The first year and a half of its run, a fairly standard gift from me was a DVD with a CD of its accompanying RiffTrax commentary, just so I could get people nice and hooked. And yet I’ve missed the last two RiffTrax Live events. But I’ve not only seen Reefer Madness before, I’ve actually seen Reefer Madness: The Musical. I was not going to miss this one.

The weather immediately put a damper on my plans, and I even decided not to go when weather.com started forecasting storms. But as I left work last night, I was suddenly overwhelmed by a desire to go. I figured if there was a 40% chance of storms, there was still a 60% chance that it wouldn’t storm, right? So I went home, printed out directions, and hit the road.

Less than thirty minutes after getting on the interstate, it was raining so hard I couldn’t see anything but the tail lights of the person in front of me. I couldn’t even see enough to get off of the interstate and pull over, so I just had to keep going, at a snail’s pace, and hope it let up soon. Eventually the road became submerged, but the rain didn’t let up, so I still kept going. By the time the clouds parted and I could turn my windshield wipers off, I was 10 miles from Concord, so I figured I’d just go ahead and see the show despite the fact that I was pretty sure I would need someone with a pair of pliers to get my hands off of the steering wheel.

Since I didn’t have time to stop for the food I actually wanted (a veggie sub), I ran through the Burger King drive-thru for a veggie burger, which I wolfed down before running to the theater and grabbing a seat. The pre-show titles were fantastic. RiffTrax made up their own film facts and quotes. I seem to remember one that went something like:

Famous Film Quotes:

“Release the Kraken!”
-Liam Neeson
Schindler’s List (first draft)

I die! So I was utterly enjoying myself, happy I braved the shit weather to sit with fellow RiffTrax fans and laugh like a crazy person when the satellite signal cut out five minutes before the show.

Oh.

Oh no.

I heard thunder outside. I hadn’t realized the storm was following me; I thought I’d driven through it gusting north. I shrank down in my seat and sighed. After waiting about 20 minutes, during which the feed came back for a spotty (but hilarious) two minutes, the feed cut again and the theater officially canceled the show.

I drove all that way for nothing. Well, not nothing. I got taste of what was most definitely going to be a great show, but it was like a drop of water to a thirsty man in a desert. If anything it just exacerbated my disappointment.

I got a refund in addition to a free pass to any AMC Theater and headed out. It was pouring, but I just sloshed through the parking lot. I didn’t run or wait for it to let up, I just walked to the back of the lot where I’d had to park when I arrived 20 minutes before the show was supposed to start. By the time I got to my car, my shoes, socks, jeans, and sweatshirt were soaked, my hair was stuck to my face, and I was feeling about as great as I looked.

I had to get gas, but the station couldn’t accept anything but cash since the storm had knocked out the satellite that controlled their computers as well. I sighed and went back out to the car and decided to just chance it. I made it home in 90 minutes (about 30 of which were spent in another torrential downpour), showered, and went to bed feeling very, very sorry for myself.

I’m better today. It was, after all, just a show. There will be others, and it wasn’t the theater’s fault or the fault of RiffTrax. And the people who did get to see it loved it, which felt good to me, the RiffTrax Evangelist. As for the stress of having driven through a storm, the gas money spent, and the lost opportunity… Shoganai. It can’t be helped. It was, after all, an experience.