I am flattered to learn that you hold both me and my intelligence in such high esteem as to assume I am a walking Life for Dummies book, but do not ever make me have a conversation like this one again, or I will bludgeon you to unconsciousness with your own desk chair.
COWORKER: I need to get money out of my 401(k). I wonder what form I need to use?
ME: Oh, I have no idea. I’ve never borrowed against my 401(k).
COWORKER: Well this one says [blathers on endlessly]… Do you think that’s the one I need to use?
ME: I’m sorry. I don’t know. I’ve never borrowed against my 401(k).
COWORKER: Well, then this form says [tedious chatter ensues]… Do you think I should print this one?
ME: Once again, I have absolutely no knowledge of borrowing against one’s 401(k) having never attempted to do that exact thing you are both attempting to do and get my opinion on before in my whole entire life, which at this very moment in time feels like a möbius strip of apathy, so please stop asking me these questions.
COWORKER: Hrm… Maybe this form and this form will [OH MY GOD, THERE ARE SO MANY WORDS, YOU GUYS.] What do you think?
ME: I think I’m going to poison your coffee.
COWORKER: . . . Maybe if I attach a voided check to THIS form…